Set Me Free
by Loveguru92
Summary: Stendan set when Brendan gets out of jail after a few years. I'm planning on it being about 8-10 chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Decided to write this fic and was trying to wait a while before uploading it so I could consentrate on my other fics but I just couldn't help myself. Anyway enjoy and review and let me know what you's think x**

Chapter one.

Plead insanity. That's what my councillor said the week running up to my trial. At first I laughed it off, I wasn't going to stand up in a courtroom and say I was insane.

But as the days slowly dragged by I changed my mind, I discussed it with Jim, he seemed enthusiastic about the plan but then again he always was smiling for no reason. I didn't expect that two and a half years down the line I would be getting out.

When I got told my sentence would be cut I didn't think it would be by that much.

Then Jim finally spilled to me that they didn't have enough evidence to make it stick, that as soon as I pled insanity my confession went down the toilet. I should have been glad about it but all I did was grunt, too much in shock to fully understand what was getting said.

So now it's the day I'm getting out and there's only one place I can think of that I want to be and that's with Steven, I didn't phone him to let him know I was getting out. Was scared it was one big joke and they were going to change there minds as soon as I stepped out the gates but they didn't, so I kept walking.

I walked for so long that I had no clue where I even was, I have my old phone in my pocket but it's not much use without a charger so I know my next stop is to a shop.

I don't have a lot of money, well I do compared to some people but not to what I'm used to having, when I walk into a clothes shop I don't even bother to look at the name of it just look around and grab a few things I see.

The cashier doesn't look at me funny, she smiles actually. I was expecting everyone to know who I am, where I've been but nobody paid to much attention.

I finally get to a phone shop only to be told that they don't sell my charger anymore but the salesman manages to talk me into buying a new phone.

"If you want I can put all of your things from your old phone onto your new one?" Says the spotty freckled boy, not once taking his eyes off the computer screen infront of him.

"Yeah okay" I say to him nodding, it doesn't seem that difficult within five minutes he's got the new phone infront of me, footering about with it and showing me all the 'cool' things I can do on it.

I leave as quick as I can putting my old phone in my bag, just incase.

I wait on a taxi for a good twenty minutes and in that time I play about with the phone, not much has changed about the outside world as I thought it would but then again two years isn't that long.

I tell the taxi driver to take me to a Bed and Breakfast place that I've stayed at before in Chester, when I get into my room I strip out of my top before helping myself to a small bottle of whiskey out of the mini fridge, this place is a dive the sort of place I would take Steven to when we first got together.

I pull out the phone and think about ringing Steven but decide against it and phone Cheryl.

"Hello?" She says picking up on the third ring, her voice hasn't changed which I'm glad of,

"Chez.." I start but she interrupts me,

"Is that you Bren?!" She says her voice breaking, "Oh god I don't believe this, where are ye?"

"Chester." I say, I thought it would be obvious, "How's Steven?"

"Me and Ste.. We haven't spoken in a while" she mutters quietly,

I grit my teeth together, I don't think I like where this is going "What do ye mean Chez?" I snap,

She must sense the frustration in my voice because she hesitates to answer, "Well after ye left.. Things went on, we just sort of drifted apart."

"So basically ye fucked off and left him on his own?!" I sneer, I thought that she would at least stick around for a while,

"It wasn't like that Brendan, he wanted me to move away. Told me to himself, he came to visit a few times but he got so closed off, we just stopped talking one day" she says, sounding emotional, as if she's upset about it.

"Jeez Chez, ye could've at least made sure he was okay." I sigh,

"He was, seemed pretty runned down, a bit depressed but that was expected, listen babe phone him if ye want to know about it." She says,

"I will, Bye Chez." I say hanging up, I wince at how I acted and realize it is my fault. I drove that wedge between them, before they were great friends, ones you wouldn't expect would ever not speak.

I think about phoning Steven but change my mind and decide I'm better doing it face to face. When I get to Stevens old flat thought it isn't there, there's a plaque outside the white building that's in the flats place. It reads,

'In memory of the life's lost in the devastating explosion on 16.10.2013 Rest in peace'

My breath catches in my throat and I can feel my legs begin to shake, I automatically think the worst, Stevens dead. Only a few months after I went to jail he lost his life, I feel the tears rimming my eyes threatening to spill. I pull myself together and shake my head.

This can't be happening, he can't be gone. I go onto google on my phone, it takes me a while but I eventually get it. I type in the address of the old flats,

35 Fern Place explosion.

A few links come up and I touch the top one, it takes a few presses fuck I hate touch screens.

It comes up loads of paragraphs, explaining what happened, three people died in it, plenty more were injured. It happened at a party, it was an accident even though it was a bomb, the deaths are what shocks me.

Leanne Holiday, it takes me a minute to remember exactly who she is, crazy Leanne, nice girl I guess.

Ashley Kane, the girl used to work in the club I got on with her well after a while, even let her do her weird physiological shit to me.

It's the last one that surprises me the most though, Douglas Carter. I swallow the lump in my throat, most of the time I hated the guy but I had this overwhelming feeling of guilt that wouldn't shift. My heart calms down in my chest though when I know Steven's safe but I guess a phone call will need to do just now.

He doesn't pick up straight away when it gets answered my breath gets knocked out of me just by hearing him say one word,

"Hello?" He says, repeats it a few times before I finally answer,

I stutter his name and hear him take a deep breath,

"Is that you Brendan?" He says and I think that's it he's going to be happy about it, he's going to take me back.

"Yeah" is all I can muster up to say,

"Well what d'ya want?" He snaps,

I wince at the sound of it, he's either really pissed off or hates me, maybe even both. "Can I see ye?" I ask,

"Why? You've not bothered for the past few years why the change of heart?" He says,

"I'm out" I reply, trying to keep calm even though my palms sweating that much I feel like the phones about to slip out my hand,

"Already? How'd ya manage that one?" He says back, I can hear a bit of his usual friendliness tone coming back,

"Meet me and I'll explain." I say hoping it'll work,

"Alright, I ain't stayin for long though where will I get ya?" He says and I'm grateful he didn't put up a fight, but maybe he's feeling like I do, he's sick of fighting.

"I'm at the old flat, well what used to be the flat.." I say scratching my head,

"Right well.. I got a flat closer to the village, meet me at the Dog in the Pond in ten minutes" he says hanging up before I get the chance to reply, doesn't look like the fightings finished yet.

I quickly walk even break into a jog and get there within five minutes, I'm surprised to see Steven already stood there at the bar, chatting away to that Nancy Osborne. She notices me before he does and she must say something because he turns round to me and his face just knocks the breath out of my lungs.

He's not changed really, looks the same. Still wearing a tracksuit, still got the golden tanned skin that I love, the bright eyes and pouty lips that underneath have a set of shiny white teeth.

He nods at me and I walk over, he's already got me a whiskey sat infront of him and a pint for himself, it does something to my insides even though it's only a small gesture.

"Can we go outside?" I ask "Sit out there?"

"In the middle of November" He tuts but stands up and makes his way outside. He picks a table and sits down taking a big gulp of his pint.

I can't help myself anymore I make a grab for his hand, just holding it. I'm scared if I do anything else this will all fade away, it still doesn't seem real.

He gives my hand a tight squeeze before letting it go,

"Ya know we can't go back to the way we were." Steven sighs leaning back in his chair.

"What do ye mean?" I ask,

"A lot has changed Bren, I'm not the same person ya left behind. I can't handle your shit anymore" he says rubbing his face.

I can't help but feel disappointed, I've seen myself as a burden to people before but I had never thought I was one to Steven. He continues talking while I only half listen to him,

"Cause last time that just fucked me up. I went through a lot that year, I can't have you coming back here and messing with me head again." He says, it's only then I hear him sniffing and I look into his face, he has tears coming down his face but brushes them away quickly.

"I'm not going to mess with your head Steven." I state, I know I won't I didn't even meant to fuck him up when I left, I thought it was the best thing to do.

"Ya said that before Brendan, you said that nearly everytime! And nothin ever changes, I'm always the one that gets hurt. It's not that I don't want ya, it's that I can't." he sighs, I can tell he's not finished and after he takes a few deep breaths he carries on "I mean last time it nearly destroyed me.. Infact it did but I picked myself back up like I always have to do, and I promised myself I would never forgive you this time." he says and it sounds final.

He carries on speaking but I don't listen it's like it's just white noise, I feel my hands tremble and the tears streaking down my face. I don't bother wiping them, at this point I really don't care. Steven finally looks at me and he completely stops what he's saying, he goes to reach for me but halfway there he changes his mind.

"I can't Bren" he says shaking his head, bottom lip trembling he looks into his pint like it holds all the answers then looks up at me straight in the eye, "I wish I could but I can't."

"Is there someone else?" I whisper, my voice cracking. I can't believe this is happening.

"What if there was? That's what ya wanted weren't it?" he says shaking his head frowning, "There isn't."

I let out a deep breath, "Then what?"

He looks up at me eyes widened, "Did ya not hear what I said?! Ya ruined my life.. Again! I can't trust you" he says shutting his eyes and rubbing his temples.

"But.. Ye still love me?" I say, I feel the hope running through my body.

"Your unbelievable do ya know that?!" he snaps.

"Please" I say shutting my eyes, "Just answer the question".

"Yes." he says, whispers more like.

"Then give me another chance, let me prove.." I don't get to finish the sentence before Stevens sneering at me,

"Do ya not think I've gave ya enough chances?! Face it Brendan you've fucked up too many times, you've lost me" he says, each word is like a stab.

"But ye still love me.." I mutter,

"That doesn't mean ya still have a chance!" he shouts,

"Please.. Steven I'm beggin ye, I can't live without ye" I say, tears rolling down my face again, I know I look and sound pathetic and I never act like this. It feels like the only thing I can do just now.

"I've heard it all before Brendan. Nothin is gonna change my mind." he snaps,

"Does this mean that this is going to be the last time I see ye?" I stutter, I don't look at him, scared of what the reply will be.

"I don't know Brendan, I cant see into the future" he snaps, if he didn't want to see me again he would of said so that makes me have a tiny bit of hope.

I know if I ever will get him back he needs to come to me, it'll need to be on his terms.

I write my number down on a bit of paper and slide it over to him.

"If ye want to get ahold of me then there's my number." I say sliding it across to him, he looks at me in disbelief, "I'm not forcing ye to take it, as soon as I leave ye can throw it in the bin if ye wish."

He shakes his head, "Don't give me the choice, because I'll pick you and I can't." he says taking a deep breath.

"I'm not givin up on ye Steven." I say, feels like daja vu.

"But ya did Brendan." he sneers back, "You gave up on me when you cut me out your life. Was it really that easy?"

"Ye think it was easy?!" I snap, it pisses me off sometimes the lack of faith he has in me. "If it was easy I wouldn't be back here, did ye think I wanted it to turn out the way it did?!" he looks at me eyes wide and I know I must look crazy but I just don't care.

"Then why'd you do it?" he asks voice low and cracking.

"I was goin to get sent down for life, I couldn't stop ye from living yours." I sigh.

"Ya wouldn't have, cos I would've been happier with you in me life in jail than not havin you at all." he mutters picking at his nails.

"Then what's changed?" I ask,

"I grew up" he says finally looking at me "I realised that I'm just an option to you. But you was everything to me."

I can't help but grab his shoulders, I make an animalistic noise, I don't mean it but the lad frustrates me, he looks at me with wide eyes again.

"Ye are everything to me Steven! Ye always were, I told ye before ye come first to me, your always front of the que" I murmur looking into his eyes and he's looking back, I'm trying to force him to believe me. He needs to.

"But I didn't come first when ya were up on that balcony did I? I were the last person you were thinkin of" he says, I shake my head automatically.

"I couldn't let Chez go down for it ye know that! It would've destroyed her." I say lowering my voice.

"Yeah and fuck how I feel." he says,

"I knew you'd be miserable for a while yeah but I knew you'd get over it." I sigh,

"Is that what ya think?!" he snaps and I nod, "Well your wrong, it were hell and all you done was ignore me everytime I tried to tell ya!"

"I'm sorry" I say, "I mean it, if I knew it wasn't going to be life then I would've talked to ye."

"I know something that will be able to get ya to leave me alone" he says without even acknowledging what I've just said.

"And what's that?" I ask, I know there's nothing that could make me want to leave him again.

"The day after ya left I slept with someone." he says, the venom lacing his voice. I know this tactic, I've used it several times myself, "And I got back with Doug, we were gonna travel together. We were havin a leavin party when the bomb went off."

It feels like time stands still after hearing that. I let it sink in but then Steven starts talking again.

"He managed to get out, and he came back in for me. The roof collapsed on us when he was getting me out, we were stuck there, couldn't move. I thought I were gonna die, I felt meself goin freezin and tired and I kept talking. I kept just goin on and on, like I always do then we got cut out and I were alright but then I looked at Doug and he weren't alive." he spills it all out then takes a deep breath before carrying on, "I kept moaning and tellin him stuff to say to Leah and Lucas and he just answered to me and listened. He didn't moan once, I wish it was me that died that day."

I grab his chin and make him look at me, his eyes are wattery and he keeps sniffling but he looks as if he's far away. "Listen to me" I say, he looks in to my eyes before batting my hand away.

"Don't right, ya don't get to try comfort me Brendan. I needed ya months ago, that weren't even the worst thing that's happened, where were ya then?" he sneers at me.

"Y-ye know where I was.." I mumble back. "Ye can talk to me now"

"It's too late, get it into your head!" he shouts.

"I'm gonna leave now." I say "Phone me when your ready to sort this out" I point to both of us. He looks at me with shock but then he looks away, he's pouting and I'm glad it's not changed. I love this side of him, but only when I know I can win him back around. Which this time I'm not too sure of.

I stand up from the chair and my legs feel numb from sitting there for such a long time, I hadn't expected to have lasted this long. I thought we would either make up or Steven would storm off.

I can't stop myself bending down and planting a soft kiss against his hair, he looks up at me surprised.

"How did you get out Brendan?" he asks and I take a deep breath.

I mumble "I went to see a councillor. She told me to plead insanity."

"Really?" he says, I can hear the surprise in his voice. I nod my head don't feel like I could answer.

He puts his hand on my arm, it's only there for a few seconds and it's a light touch but I feel it lingering.

"I'll phone you." he says quietly, I stand still for a minute before nodding to him and spinning on my heel. I want to look behind to see him but I keep my head forward and down.


	2. Chapter 2

_**This took ages I know, I was thinking about just not carrying on with this story but changed my mind:) I'm not from England so I have no clue about the hotels or anything there so I used google to come up with a hotel name. Anyway hope you's enjoy this xx**_

Chapter 2

Ste's pov

As I watch him walk away I'm tempted to run after him, tell him I forgive him and that we can go back to how it was before he left, but I know it'll never be like that.

He's proved to me time and time again that I couldn't trust him, couldn't believe his promises. This time isn't any different and I keep telling myself that. There's only one way that I'm going to feel better and thats by getting drunk and falling into a strangers bed. I walk back inside the dog and wait at the bar to be served, eventually Darren walks up to me.

"What can I get you?" he asks, friendly smile on his face.

"Just another pint please." I say putting a fiver onto the bar.

He nods while getting to it, he keeps looking at me and I know he wants to ask me something, "So Brendan's back then?" he blurts out and I can tell by the look on his face that he couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Guess so yeah" I say before taking a long drink.

"I'm here if you need someone to talk to." Darren sighs putting a hand on my shoulder,

"Cheers but I doubt ya want to hear it." I say smiling at him, I always have liked Darren even though he can be a dick sometimes.

He smiles back at me, "Well I'll be here" he says pointing to the spot he's standing at then huffs a laugh, "Well not right here."

"I get what ya mean, cheers" I say he grins at me before going to serve the other punters at the bar.

I down the rest of my pint as quick as I can before jumping to the toilet, I take a look in the mirror. The past few years have still to catch up on me, I've got a few wrinkles but I definitely look young for my age, turning 26 in a few months and I don't doubt that I could get away with saying I'm 21.

I look down at my clothes and realise I'm wearing a tracksuit, probably best to go home and change before heading out, I make my way through the village barely paying attention.

As soon as I get to my flat I notice how quiet it is, this is the loneliest I've ever been in my whole life.

Even when I lived with Pauline and Terry I didn't feel as lonely as this, I thought I'd love having a house to myself but shortly after moving out my dads, I realised that it isn't as great as it seems.

It's rare that I spend two nights in a row myself, normally Sinead's here or the kids sometimes even Amy or one of the sisters.

Today though the emptiness is emphasised, probably because my minds wondering back to the short time that Brendan, Leah and Lucas spent living together with me. My own dysfunctional family, it wasn't perfect, a lot of the time it was far from it but I know it was probably the happiest time of my life.

I bring out Brendan's number, flipping the piece of paper between my fingers. I could phone, I'm sure if I asked him he would come over but then I realise it's only been a few hours since I last seen him and being alone together probably isn't the best idea, especially when we haven't been together in years.

I decide against it and against going out tonight aswell, if I did then I would just wake up in the morning with more regrets, and the overwhelming feeling of guilt, the feeling that I've betrayed someone, I managed to convince myself that it was because of Doug. My husband, the person I owe my life to.

I know deep down its because of Brendan. I busy myself cleaning the house, having a proper clean out, I throw out clothes that I know I'll never wear again and I decide to put even more of a dampener on my mood by going under my bed and pulling out my box, it's got a mixture of things in it, some drawings Leah and Lucas done, things that remind me of Doug.

Only some of his clothes were in the explosion, most of them were in his own flat along with his belongings, I bring out his stupid patterned jumper and take a smell of it, it smells like his aftershave.

I slip it on myself before I dig to the bottom of the box and get my hands on what I'm looking for, Brendan's cross, I did feel a bit bad about putting both there belongings in the same box but I've never bothered separating them.

They were both very important people in my life, I still think of them both everyday. The door starts chapping and as quick as I can I snatch the jumper off and shove it back into the box and rush to shove it under the bed. I open the door and straight away a toddler rushes in, Tony gives me a soft smile while shrugging his shoulders, "What can you do eh?" he asks.

I look at Anthony, the younger one and he's already got his jacket off and is sitting on the couch.

"Ya comin in?" I ask Tony while opening to door wider for him, he joins his son on my couch.

"I heard that Brendan's back" Tony says with a sympathetic look on his face, he didn't beat around the bush with this one.

I take a deep breath and let the emotions run through me, I don't have to hide anything from Tony. He knows me, knows what I'm like.

"Yeah, I spoke to him earlier."

"So are you back with him?" he asks, unsure of what my reaction will be.

I run my hands through my hair tugging slightly, I shake my head "Nah, we can't just pick up where we left off."

Tony smirks and raises and eyebrow at me, "We'll see if your still saying that in a few weeks."

"Eyar what's that supposed to mean?" I whine, Tony just smiles back at me,

"Your angry the now, probably still in shock but once that wears off you'll go back to missing him." he says, he does have a point but I'm too stubborn to admit it. "You deserve to be happy, maybe nows your chance."

"Can we save the lecture?" I ask, hoping he'll just let it slide. The last thing I want to talk about is Brendan.

"I wasn't giving you a lecture." Tony says laughing, "Shhh" says Tony Jr frowning up to his dad before looking back at the tv.

"Well that's you told" I smirk at Tony, "Come in the kitchen, I'll make ya a brew." I say and we head into the kitchen, leaving the door open so we can keep an eye on the little one.

I pour us both a cup of tea and we talk about the restaurant, sorting out who's working what days for the following week. After we've sorted that out we go back into the living room and Tony bends down to talk to his son. "You ready to go home now champ?" he asks him.

The little boy stretches while releasing a yawn and nodding his head sleepily, Tony lifts him up.

"Well we better get going then." he says giving me a small smile, "I'll phone the suppliers when I get home."

I nod to him before walking him to the door, "Remember what I said Ste" Tony mutters to me, brilliant he's bringing Brendan up again.

"I'll have a good think" I say to him before waving him off and shutting the door. I slump onto the couch resting my head back and closing my eyes while releasing another deep breath. Running over my conversation with Brendan earlier, he went to a councillor? That definetly surprised me, I was half expecting him to tell me he had escaped. I groan aloud and slam my hand against the arm of the couch, feel the frustration build up in me. Its times like this I wish I could smoke but the thought of it makes me want to throw up, so I go for some comfort food instead.

I go into my cupboard grab the big jar of Nutella then I go into the freezer and get the tub of ice cream, I grab a spoon and go back into the living room taking a seat on the couch. I feel like a teenage girl after having a row with her boyfriend but I don't care as long as it makes me feel better.

I end up falling asleep halfway through the nutella, I don't wake up until 3am and it takes me a minute to remember how I got onto my couch, I switch the tv off before staggering into my room and diving onto my bed, falling asleep again more or less as soon as my head hits the pillow.

Brendan's pov

It's been two whole weeks since I've seen Steven and there's still been no word from him, I went to Ireland to see the boys and Chez but I had to come back, I'm still staying in a crappy b&b and all I do is sit in here, drinking whiskey and living on chippies, today though I wake up in a better frame of mind I shower and shave before putting on my new crisp suit. I bring out my phone and decide to chance it and phone Steven, he doesn't answer. I feel like I'm being left in the dark with Steven, I don't have a clue what's going on in his head.

He could be with someone else for all I know, not that he doesn't deserve to be with someone that will do good for him but I think I deserve to at least be answered. Obviously not, maybe he feels sorry for me and is just putting it off, doesn't want to tell me that he doesn't have the time for me anymore.

I could sit about wallowing in self pity but that won't do any good so I decide to go to the gym, after an hour of exercising I go for a swim before getting a shower and changing back into my suit. I look at my phone, 1 new message from Chez.

'Hey Bren, hope your doing okay. Was good to see you, come back soon. Hope everything goes well with Ste. Love ye Cheryl xx'

I curse under my breath, I've managed to avoid talking about Steven with anyone, Declan brought him up once but he must have seen my face because that was the only time he done it. I start heading back to the hotel but before I do I jump into a shop on the way and buy a bottle of Jamieson's whiskey. When I get into the room I don't even bother getting a glass just go straight for the bed and open the bottle before taking a big guzzle of it, the liquid burning my throat.

I switch the tv on not even caring what goes on, obviously it needs to be some sort of love movie that gets me thinking of Steven, before I know it the full bottles finished, I decide now is probably a good time to phone Steven. He answers almost straight away, sounds a bit flustered, "Eh.. Hello?"

I clear my throat "It's me." I say to him, speech slurring but hopefully he won't notice I'm drunk.

"Brendan?" he asks sounding surprised and I answer with a "hmm".

"Ye didn't phone me."

I hear him taking a deep breath, "Yeah I lost your number." he says in a quiet voice, I laugh at that, a low chuckle. Full of excuses he is, can't even admit to me that he doesn't want anything to do with me.

"Are you drunk Brendan?" He asks,

"Is it that obvious?" I mutter.

"Yeah." he says, I wasn't really asking if it was obvious, it must have been if he noticed. "Are ya alright?" he asks.

"Yeah course." I tell him, nodding to myself.

"Are ya needing something Brendan? Cos I'm a bit busy." he says sounding uneasy.

"I need to see ye." I say, rushing the words out my mouth.

"When?" he asks, it's only now that I realise he sounds a bit desperate, like being away from me has been as bad for him as it was for me.

"Whenever your free." I tell him, "I'm staying at the Lavender house."

"Tomorrow?" he asks, "I could come see you whenever."

"Yeah tomorrows good." I tell him, not quite believing this.

"Okay I'll phone ya before I leave." he says.

"Okay I'll see ye later." I say,

"Yeah bye." I hear him mutter before I hang up. I look around the room, it looks a bit of a dump so I better tidy up.

I take a plastic bag, picking up at the crap that needs binned, about five empty bottles of whiskey, wrappers and my clothes, it doesn't take long to do but the place still smells like something's died in it. I open The veranda door to let some air in while I decide to go downstairs and get something proper to eat. I still feel drunk and I'm getting funny looks but I don't care, I'm hungry and there's only so long you can live on fast food surprisingly.

They've got a good selection of food but I settle for Shepard's pie and potato wedges, forget the veg. The food satisfies me more than I expected, and I wash it down with a glass of wine, I'm not the type that drinks wine but I like a glass with my dinner. Afterwards I just want to sit there for a while so I take a look at the desert menu, nothing on it seems to appeal to me but I ask for a chocolate fudge sundae. I look around and the other people around me, couples mostly, maybe tomorrow Steven will come with me but I shake that idea out my head. If he does turn up tomorrow and we do manage to sort it out then I'll take him somewhere else, somewhere better, prove to him that I can be the person he deserves.

I'm not keeping any secrets from him this time around, everything's out in the open now. The sundae isn't that good, tastes too sweet and after a few spoonfuls I need to stop because it's getting sickening.

I go to the bar and order myself a whiskey and take a seat at a stool there, there isn't as many couples sitting here and as I look around me I realise that there's someone staring at me, when I look at him he doesn't even have the decency to look embarrassed and instead smiles- in what can only be described as a seductive smile. I don't know why but he seems to take that as his que to walk over to me, he flutters his eyelashes at me and I'm not going to lie, he's gorgeous but he ain't Steven.

The lad seems nice enough and right now I could use some sort of company, so we talk and order some drinks, after the fourth or maybe the fifth I decide it's time for me to head up to my room. I tell him that and his face scrunchies up, "You not gonna even invite me for a nightcap?" he asks, slurping his drink from a straw.

I smile at him before drawling "Not tonight."

He pushes a bit more but after a ten minute debate I think he takes the hint that there's no way he's coming up to my room, It's been a while since I've slept with someone, I only slept with one man while in prison and that was once, after a year but now I'm out nobody it appealing to me. Probably because I automatically compare them to Steven and in my eyes he's perfect, it's been the problem I've had ever since I got involved with him.

I fall asleep imagining scenarios that could happen tomorrow building up an expectation which means I'll most likely be let down.

Ste's pov

I'm pacing up and down I check the time on my phone, 12.45. I text Brendan exactly half an hour ago to make sure I was still to meet up with him today and he's still not replied. Brendan's always being an early riser and I doubt that's changed but why else would he not reply? Unless this is his way of getting back at me for not phoning him but it isn't my fault I lost his number. Eventually I get bored of literally waiting by the phone and throw it onto my couch before switching on the tv, I must dose off because next thing I know there's a loud ringing noise in my ears, which turns out to be my phone, Brendan calling. For a second I panic and think about ignoring it, not used to ever seeing that name on my screen but I snap out of it and answer.

"Steven?!" he basically shouts, panic in his voice.

"Yeah?" I say clearing my throat.

"Where are ye? Ye text me hours ago." he says, I look at the clock and realise its turning four oclock.

"Shit, sorry, I fell asleep." I weakly explain.

He blows out a breath, and chuckles a bit "I thought ye had changed your mind."

"Nah course not" I answer, sounding sure of myself. "You still want me to come over?"

"Yeah.. Only if ye want to though." he says quietly.

I decide it's best not to make a big deal out of it, "Yeah well give me twenty minutes and I'll come over" I tell him, trying to sound calm but the shake in my voice is inevitable.

"Okay I'll see ye then." he sighs to me.

"Right bye." I say quickly before hanging up. I fall back against the couch but my eyes nearly pop out their sockets when I realise how many missed calls I have, 15, all of which are from Brendan.

I go into the bathroom and splash some water on my face to wake me up a bit more, before giving my teeth a quick brush and restyling my hair.

I order a taxi and it comes reasonably quick, the journey filled with the driver moaning about his wife, something about her spending all his money then wanting him to work more aswell. I nod and hum at the right times but I'm only half listening. When he shuts up for a minute I phone Brendan and tell him I'm almost there. Another couple of minutes pass and before I know it the taxis stopped outside I tip him generously before getting out. Now that I'm here all I want to do is run away, the man I love is in that building.

The man that's been in jail for years and hasn't bothered to talk to me during that time, but now he's out and he wants me, wants to make it work. It's what I want, what I've always wanted from him but I can't help but shake the feeling that it's too late, that I'm going to be let down again. It should be enough for me, I should be able to take his word for it but I can't, and I don't know if I'll be able to give him a chance to prove that I should.

I stand outside frozen to the spot for a while, half debating walking away and getting Brendan out my life for good. It would be the easiest thing to do, he doesn't know where I live, or work or who my friends or family are. I could just change my number and we'd never need to speak again.

I know I'd regret that more than him messing up my life again, so the decision is made for me and I feel my legs walk towards the hotel on its own accord. When I see him the breath gets knocked out of me, he's leaning against the wall, looking up at the ceiling so that gives me a chance to properly look at him, when I last saw him I tried not to look at him properly but now I do. He's not changed much, last time I seen him he had a beard but now his tache is back, thankfully. Although the beard is nice aswell.

He's got a small scar on his jaw that I don't remember him having before, his eyes have got dark rings around them, I'm guessing from lack of sleep. He's dressed in a fresh black suit, power and dominance practically rolls off him I'm volumes, even now. The next thing I know I see his attention turn to me, his crystal clear blue eyes widen when he notices me.

The walk towards him seems to take forever and when I get to him I don't have a clue what to do, I can feel my eyes swell up with tears but I can't hold in the grin that spreads across my face. He smiles back at me, wide and carefree before putting a hand on my hip, looking at me as if he's making sure this is okay. He might know me well but he seems so unsure of himself.

"Ye want to go up to the room?" he asks, his voice cracking with emotion in it, I'm shocked to hear it, I don't trust myself to speak so I just nod. He seems to understand, as he puts a hand on my arm and leads me to his room.

We sit side by side on the bed, our sides touching, he turns to me and says "Have ye thought about.." he seems to decide against finishing that sentence because it just hangs there. When I finally find my voice I decide there's no point dragging this out, playing clueless, so I answer truthfully, "Yeah I have. A lot actually." I murmur the end quietly hoping he wont hear me.

"And?" he asks, "Have ye made a decision?" he looks so insecure, as if my answer could crush him if it isn't the right one.

"Can ya just listen to me? Let me talk and get this all out?" I ask him, trying to avoid making a decision just yet. He nods at me, sitting up straight and looking at me in the eyes.

"I love you" I tell him, "Alot, even after all this time and everything we've done, that's one of the things that hasn't changed. I'm not goin to say we can be together but I want to try, I don't want to regret letting you go again. Ya need to give me time, to trust you again." I let it all out taking a deep breath, I feel a tear slip out my eye quickly wiping it away.

I feel Brendan pull me into his arms and I let him, his lips are pressing into my temple before he whispers, "I promise ye Steven, this is it for me now."

I nod against his chest and we just sit together, holding onto each other. Neither of us speak but when I try to pull away Brendan just holds onto me tighter, I look up at his face, he's got a strange look in his eyes before he leans down and kisses me, it's a soft slow kiss, I push my body against his trying to get as close as I can to him.

The kiss hardens, and he bites down on my lower lip. There's no time for us too waste, we both know what we want and it doesn't take long before were grabbing at each others clothes, yanking them off and throwing them away like they're offensive.

When we're both completely naked he just looks at me, I feel like his eyes are scanning over my body from head to toe, I don't even care about the groan that comes out my mouth when I feel his hands on my hips, feels like I've been zapped. His lips cover mine, suppressing any other noises I would be making, his hands trail all over my body, thumbing my nipples. My fingers scrape through his chest hair, and soon I feel his hands reaching the area I'm desperate for him to touch. There isn't any time for foreplay, we've both went without each other for that long enough as it is, I don't think either of us can hold off.

Brendan stops in his tracks and just stares at me, as if he thinks this is a dream, I do too. I put two of my fingers into my mouth, slicking them up with sylvia, Brendan just stares at me wide eyed. I run my hand down my body before I reach my hole, not once breaking eye contact with Brendan. I push one in slowly and closed my eyes, before slowly moving the digit around. I was hoping Brendan wouldn't be able to keep his hands off me if I done this but clearly it's not working, I open one of my eyes before stopping what I'm doing when I see the sight of Brendan fisting his own cock.

"Bren!" I whine, while pulling myself up the bed.

"Ye started it" he groans while crawling towards me.

I grin at him and wait until his face is inches away from mine before giving him a rough, open mouthed kiss. He groans into my mouth while grabbing a condom and lubing himself and my hole up. I feel the lube running down my crack when Brendan moves my legs higher and rests them on his shoulders.

"Bren.. Please." I beg, if I wasn't so horny then I would probably have more dignity, but it's always been the same with Brendan, I just can't help myself.

I feel the head slowly pushing into me and I would give a triumphant smile if I hadn't seen the grin Brendan has on his face, I nearly hit myself realising that he was waiting for me to crack.

I feel a gasp escaping my mouth as I'm reminded of how big Brendan is, I don't know how I forgot but for some reason I did.

I start to relax, getting used to what it feels like to have him in me again, I let out a low whimper and look into Brendan's eyes. He looks hot, his blue eyes shimmering, his dark hair contrasting with his pale- almost white skin. I look at our intertwined hands on the bed and thank my lucky stars, I didn't think I'd ever get to see Brendan again never mind sleep with him.

He stops moving and it's only then I hear him saying my name and grabbing my chin forcing me to look into his eyes, when I do he looks sad and regretful. He pulls away from me, "I knew this was a bad idea." he sighs, voice cracking.

"What?" I say back to him, my voice sounding weak.

"We should have gave it more time" he huffs, "Now your all freaked out."

He's refusing to look at me in the eyes so I move over to him and sit in his lap, I run a hand through his hair, "Bren" I start but he still avoids my eyes, "Brendan" I say a little firmer and his neck snaps around to look at me. "I don't know what just happened there right, but I'm not freaked out."

"Ye just went blank Steven, I knew something was wrong." he sighs again, but doesn't try to move away.

I wrap my arms around his shoulders, "It's just a lot to take Bren" I mutter, "I didn't think I were ever goin to see ya again."

He seems to accept that and I feel him relaxing under my hands, I give him a small smile and press a soft kiss on his lips, when I pull away I see the underlying desire there, so I kiss him harder until he gets the message.

"Ye sure ye feel up to this Steven?" he asks.

"Come here." I say while lying down on my back and pulling him on top of me. We take our time getting used to each others body again, it doesn't seem like we've even been away from each other.

He re-enters me and when I start to feel him pushing further into me I push back slowly, too eager to feel all of Brendan in me that I don't feel like I can wait any longer. Nearly every night while Brendan was in prison I thought about this, I forgot how good this felt though, feel like its better now than ever.

Brendan plunging into me, me grinding back onto him, while we both release moans and groans. One of Brendan's hands linked with mine the other on my neck pulling me into another kiss, his tongue plunging into my mouth mimicking the moves his cock is doing.

I could tell Brendan was holding back on me, wasn't being as rough or fast as he used to be with me. That didn't stop the pressure of my orgasm growing. It took me a while to realise Brendan wasn't being softer with me incase he hurt me, this was what 'making love' was like with Brendan Brady. It had only happened a handful amount of times before, sometimes though when he was proper fucking me, he would slow down act as if he was treasuring that moment, I guess he was.

"I'm going to come." Brendan whispers into my ear before tugging at the lobe. His hips started jerking in harder thrusts, while his cum filled the latex condom. He pulls out of me before sinking down the bed and taking me into his mouth, it only two licks of the head before my hands grab his hair and my cum is rushing out the slit, Brendan wraps his lips around it and gives me head until I soften.

He joins me back up the top of the bed, grinning from ear to ear, the last time I saw him so content was back in Dublin, I smile back at him and pull him into a passionate kiss, I know that I've just came in his mouth but right now I couldn't give a fuck.

Brendan wraps his arms tighter around me before muttering something I almost don't hear, "Stay with me tonight."

I'm not sure weather it was a question or not but I nod my head back at him and it only makes him smile more and pull me closer, I place my head against his chest while murmuring, "I'm gonna go for a quick sleep."

I feel him brushing my fringe away, "Yeah me too." he lies down properly and kisses me quickly on the lips, I peer up at him and can't help the smile that spills onto my lips.

"I do love ye." he tells me again.

I kiss his chest for the simple fact I can't be bothered moving to his lips, "I know." I tell him, and I realise that I do know, "I love you too".

He clings onto me even while I'm drifting off too sleep and I hold him just as tight back.


End file.
